The Recipe for Geriatric Hell
So picture this road case with 4 wheels on it and one of them is fucked up.
Add a:
∑ Wood floor
∑ Tourists who don’t know or aren’t paying attention to where they are going.
∑ Slot machines
∑ Chairs
∑ Sweepers who insist on standing in the doorway to get everything that blows in cause it’s not windy in the desert at all.
∑ Lastly 200 lbs.
Now as I weaved my way through all of this, I stumble upon the worst of worst in unloading trucks.
Letting the momentum of the box turn the corner cuz I wanted a break from that fucked up wheel, there it is. The walker being shuffled by a 3’5” person.
Oh fuck! is what I’m thinking. And with my superman muscles I proceed to try and stop this 200 lbs box rolling with one fucked up wheel straight at the walker. I think of the scene in Prisoner of Askaban. Just like that. Before it slams and runs over this walker. But of course, just as I clench all those muscles, I remember I’m on a waxed wood floor. Great now not only is this box gonna smash this walker to bits but I’m gonna be included in this crash too. Thank God for that fucked up wheel or maybe my foot, not to sure on that one, but my foot turned into the break right underneath that wheel. Good so I’m not gonna crash into that walker. Well I was, just from the other end. The crash that you remember is gonna happen just split seconds before it does and there’s shit you can do about it. Everyone is behind you with boxes just as big. Yup just as you guessed it, Brunette (see other post), Talker, b’s guy, Tim and Debbie… One right after the other, right into the back of my heels. We were just way to close to stop on a dime like that. (Oh, by the way, I’m OK).
As the chuckles started I heard…
“hmmpf, people are crazy out here.”
“She came outta nowhere”
“I thought she was going down dude.”
So as I get ready to limp the box in… a midget on a scooter drives by us. And we all watch in utter silence.
“Well what do you say to that, damn.”
Next is tetris with all the boxes backstage. After you win the game you get to go home.
The ride was great. Sunny warm. Driving on the highway, above, where you can actually tell you live in a valley. I could look out past the green ( It’s a false oasis remember but that’s a rant for a whole other day) to how brown it was by the mountain. There’s where I could sit and pretend. But no, I got sidetracked by a trip to the mall, a stop by the hall, my apartment, to eat, wait for an hour, then back to…
Are you waiting for the band too.
Yeah, I am.
That’s great. I’m here to get their autographs
As he holds up his plastic bag with a guitar in it and then stares at me.
Oh, nice, yeah, um… I’m here to take the band out.
Oh, what, you drive em to the airport and out to the bars
No, I put their equipment in boxes and put it on a truck
Oh wow wow that’s incredible... that’s really hard work wow
And the guy walks away…
Hey guys!!!
After it’s all over, I find myself trying to disprove a theory with someone on the phone and as it stands right now – I’m winning!
Add a:
∑ Wood floor
∑ Tourists who don’t know or aren’t paying attention to where they are going.
∑ Slot machines
∑ Chairs
∑ Sweepers who insist on standing in the doorway to get everything that blows in cause it’s not windy in the desert at all.
∑ Lastly 200 lbs.
Now as I weaved my way through all of this, I stumble upon the worst of worst in unloading trucks.
Letting the momentum of the box turn the corner cuz I wanted a break from that fucked up wheel, there it is. The walker being shuffled by a 3’5” person.
Oh fuck! is what I’m thinking. And with my superman muscles I proceed to try and stop this 200 lbs box rolling with one fucked up wheel straight at the walker. I think of the scene in Prisoner of Askaban. Just like that. Before it slams and runs over this walker. But of course, just as I clench all those muscles, I remember I’m on a waxed wood floor. Great now not only is this box gonna smash this walker to bits but I’m gonna be included in this crash too. Thank God for that fucked up wheel or maybe my foot, not to sure on that one, but my foot turned into the break right underneath that wheel. Good so I’m not gonna crash into that walker. Well I was, just from the other end. The crash that you remember is gonna happen just split seconds before it does and there’s shit you can do about it. Everyone is behind you with boxes just as big. Yup just as you guessed it, Brunette (see other post), Talker, b’s guy, Tim and Debbie… One right after the other, right into the back of my heels. We were just way to close to stop on a dime like that. (Oh, by the way, I’m OK).
As the chuckles started I heard…
“hmmpf, people are crazy out here.”
“She came outta nowhere”
“I thought she was going down dude.”
So as I get ready to limp the box in… a midget on a scooter drives by us. And we all watch in utter silence.
“Well what do you say to that, damn.”
Next is tetris with all the boxes backstage. After you win the game you get to go home.
The ride was great. Sunny warm. Driving on the highway, above, where you can actually tell you live in a valley. I could look out past the green ( It’s a false oasis remember but that’s a rant for a whole other day) to how brown it was by the mountain. There’s where I could sit and pretend. But no, I got sidetracked by a trip to the mall, a stop by the hall, my apartment, to eat, wait for an hour, then back to…
Are you waiting for the band too.
Yeah, I am.
That’s great. I’m here to get their autographs
As he holds up his plastic bag with a guitar in it and then stares at me.
Oh, nice, yeah, um… I’m here to take the band out.
Oh, what, you drive em to the airport and out to the bars
No, I put their equipment in boxes and put it on a truck
Oh wow wow that’s incredible... that’s really hard work wow
And the guy walks away…
Hey guys!!!
After it’s all over, I find myself trying to disprove a theory with someone on the phone and as it stands right now – I’m winning!
posted by diane at 11:03 PM
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